1. If you live in a foreign country, when you go back to your motherland [read Turkey] for a vacation you'll have to answer, in the most respectful fashion, the most ridiculous and random questions ever. Below you'll find an exemplary dialogue:
- Oh, look who's here, we haven't seen you for a while! Have you gained weight? (Superstition #1: A person that one has not seen for a while has to either lose or gain weight. People in Turkey are keen believers in change. Except for evolution and politics, that is. God created us all as we are today [read Harun Yahya for more on this bullcrap] and status quo rocks.)
- Haha. maybe.
- If you eat that many burgers, it's bound to happen. (Superstition #2: Americans only eat junk food. The only restaurant in the US is McDonald's. And Burger King.)
- No, I eat healthy food, no worries.
- So, tell us about America. What's the weather like? (Superstition #3: The best way to learn about a foreign country is through the science of meteorology.)
- I live in the northeastern part, so it's cold. It rains and snows a lot.
- So, what is different in America? (Superstition #4: America is a country, not a continent.)
- Well, there is always electricity. (That is the Turkish way of saying that there are no power outages, we treat electricity as a natural phenomenon that can be nonexistent [that departs] from time to time. n.b. Electricity is a countable noun in Turkish, so the verbatim translation would be "There are always electricities.") [Thanks Egiboy and Murat for assisting my transatlantic voyage en route to my linguistic roots.]
Trust me, this dialogue goes on and on, but you get the point. In case you don't, let me rephrase it. The one thing that I always told those with inquiring minds about life in USA was that you could always count on electric power in this country. Well, apparently, I was mistaken. There was a major blackout on Friday. Technically speaking, it probably wasn't a blackout since it happened during daytime, but sure as shooting it was major as the power was out for 9 hours straight. This experience made me realize why it's called a "power outage." No TV, no internet, no e-mails; I was literally powerless. All I did was to lie in bed and shake out of fear (or cold because my heater was not working.)
All in all, so long for the American dream.
2. I was watching The Daily Show w/Jon Stewart and then I saw Obama and remembered that I had made coffee almost an hour ago. Does that make me racist? (I want to be just like Glenn Beck when I grow up.)
3. Black usually has negative connotations, but it doesn't have to be that way. Imagine living in an equatorial African hot as hell and blindingly bright country. I'm sure people are fed up with hot weather, so night time probably means salvation to them. They long for the sunset as they sweat out of every single pore of their burning bodies. (I guess there's a double entendre here. Well, those tribal people are always naked, and I know how I'd feel if I saw tits and asses everywhere.) So, what we call the Prince of Darkness they probably call the Prince of Brightness. It is probably a compliment to tell someone that they have a dark soul. Etc.
Yet there is one black that is always bad news. Jack Black is his name. Avoid him at all times if possible. Actually no, even if it is not possible, make it so and avoid him.
4. Alice in Chains is back. To correct myself, they have been back for a while, but I have just listened to their recent album titled "Black Gives Way to Blue." One word: unf***ingbelievable. Who would expect such a brilliant album from a band who had lost their vocalist (due to overdose) that characterized their music and had been inactive for a couple of years after that and were just performing benefit/reunion concerts? First studio album in 14 years and it sure is amazing.
Grunge is not dead. If you are disappointed with the constant decline in the quality of Pearl Jam's work, AiC will be a fresh hot breeze for you. (It's snowing outside.)
5. I went black this weekend. I only wore my black T-shirt, that is. 2 days straight. Yet I will go back as soon as I do laundry.
"We always have electricities"? It should rather be "Electricities are always (t)here" (Elektrikler her zaman var). BTW, along being countable, electricity, in Turkish common sense, is also combustible :)
ReplyDeleteno need for the bitterness my friend- following you since the daily show days-youtube?- and I must say (not sure whether you need this appraisal from me) that you have been getting better and better in this shit. one can even sense this within the course of this few posts over here. congrats-
ReplyDeleteracism is almost always funny-please keep using it, please... maybe use some unique turkish racism as well. Chilly and served by needlessly polite waiters who are calling each other "Mr." in public yet relentlessly swearing at each other's (female) family members back at the kitchen.
electricity also "departs" or "leaves" in turkish. and we wait for it to come back.
cheers-
so much of this applies to america vs. "insert another equally alien country with an alien culture and electricity problems (ooh lookie here, i just described pakistan!)"
ReplyDeletechuckle.
also, what's this i hear, the new alice in chains album?? i'm on it.